Never Grow Up

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

Samantha & Daddy

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Baby Sam in her nursery at our apartment

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

Sam playing peek-a-boo

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

Sam fell asleep on her playroom floor with her rock n roll Elmo

Whenever I hear the above song by Taylor Swift it touches my heart and makes me think of our first born child, Samantha Joyce.  I am amazed and a tad bit depressed at how fast she he grown up and can't grasp where the time went.  She just turned 13 years old this past March and I seriously feel like it wasn't that long ago when I had to tell Jeff we were having her, a tad nervous about the entire conversation I'll admit.

See, Jeff and I were married a little over a year when I found out and although we weren't really doing anything to prevent me from getting pregnant, at the same time I don't think either one of us thought it would happen as quickly as it did.  I literally had stopped taking birth control the end of April and she was conceived on what we believe to be Jeff's birthday, June 5th.  Some birthday present, heh!

So here we were, excited to be having a child but scared to death all at the same time.  Jeff more than me of course.  My main goal in life was always to be a wife and mother, I didn't care so much about the big fancy career and all of that stuff, so to me this was just the beginning of the life I had always hoped for.

I remember during my pregnancy I always felt great.  I didn't have any real terrible signs of being pregnant at all.  No morning sickness, no weird cravings or smells that bothered me.  I would say the only thing I noticed was being more tired. 

We had decided not to find out what we were having as we wanted to be surprised at the end of it.  I will admit though, the Degnitz side was definitely rooting for a baby girl as my brother and sister both had two boys each and we didn't need anymore of those little guys running around.  This was the exact reason I had prepared myself for a little boy, because how often do you really get what you want, right?  Jeff was even so sure it was a boy and I remember a conversation between him and another man when I was about 7 months pregnant.

"So...what you guys having?"  the man says.

"A boy!" Jeff replies.

The man then says, "Oh you found out with the ultrasound?"

Jeff then replies, "Oh no!  I just know how to make boys!"

Hilarious!  He was so confident.  And he admitted to me about two days after we came home from the hospital that even though he wouldn't give her back and he loved her terribly that when the doctor said it was a girl he felt like he got kicked square in the head.  That story still makes me chuckle out loud.

Sam's hospital picture - she had the rosiest little cheeks!

I tell you, having a little girl was a ton of fun.  I know for a fact, from the ages of about newborn to 4 or so, that little girl didn't go to church on Sunday without wearing one of the most adorable dresses ever.  And she had a wide variety of clothes.

Sam dressed like a pea pod for her very first Halloween!

And even though she lost most of her hair shortly after she was born and was bald until she was a little over a year, when that hair started growing back in I had so much fun putting braids, pony tails and little clippies in her hair to match her outfits.  She didn't always like when Mom did her hair, but the end result was always so damn cute!!!

Sam on our front porch with that infectious smile and pretty hair!

Man!  Once again, where the hell does the time go?

I do know that, as trying as her strong personality could be at times, and still can be, I have been amazingly proud and grateful for the person she has become. 

Sam walking along the beach in South Padre Island.

From day one she has always been a very happy baby for the most part, and even now pretty optimistic.  She sees the glass half full instead of half empty and I LOVE that about her.  And despite the many losses she has had to already deal with her in her short life she always seems to be smiling and keeping her head up!!!

Sam and Grandpa Rick teasing each other!

Sam with my parents the summer before her Grandpa passed away.

And in addition to her upbeat, quirky personality she is also a goodhearted person.  She is extremely kind to everybody and likes the fact that she doesn't necessarily do something because that's what everybody else is doing at the time.  She thrives on being her own person and will give everyone a fair shot.  In this day and age that says a lot.

Sam and one of her first facial masks!

I realize I'm rambling here.  I hope I'm not boring you to death.  I guess I'm just really thankful for having her in our lives and already thinking about how much I will miss having her around when she starts her adult life without us.

Sam on her first day in kindergarten.

I hope and pray every single day that she holds onto the values I have been trying to teach her and that she makes good decisions in her future. She already told me she is dying her hair purple as soon as she goes off to college, which I already told her would be her first "BAD" decision! Dad will not be happy about that at all!

Sam and Daddy chilling.

So, with that said, please my sweet little girl, don't grow up so damn fast!!!  Mom needs you here a while longer to stand up to all those boys in our house and well, I just love the way you are right now.

Samantha - from the Aramic meaning "listener".  She has a great deal of will power
and is very principled.  A resourceful person who usually achieves her goals.