My First Love

So here I am, venturing into a world of unknown really.  Oh sure, I've read a few blogs here and there and they have been really inspirational to me, but to start one of my own is a bit uneasy.  I was inspired to start through some friends of mine saying they always like the positive words I have to say on my Facebook posts and I can tell you that I DO have a lot on my mind, so to me it made complete sense to dive into this new venture of mine full force.  Well, here I go.  I apologize in advance for any posts that may put you to sleep or any that could offend.  My goal is to be truthful, uplifting and humorous all at the same time. 

I'm not quite sure when a young girl realizes the impact her first true love will have on her.  I can guarantee you that when the above photo was taken I had no idea at all how important my Dad really was to me.  Oh yeah sure, I knew he helped take care of me and he was a blast to hang out with but I had no clue how awesome he was as a man.  I do know that over the years we butted heads a ton of times (bullheads-both of us) and of course I wouldn't speak to him for days at a time, but that's besides the point, even as a teenager I liked hanging with him and my Mom.

I don't think I truly realized the love a young girl has for her father until he was diagnosed with cancer when I was in the 8th grade.  I can still remember waiting for the bus the morning he was supposed to find out his results and for some reason I knew when watching out the window for the bus to come that something bad was about to happen.  I was in 8th grade!  8th grade for crying out loud and that premonition of our life being turned upside down will never leave my mind!

Oh don't get me wrong, my Dad from day one was a fighter and wasn't going to let anybody think this disease would get the best of him, but he struggled a lot over his 16 years of fighting non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  I know if I could talk to him today though he would say it was all worth it.  Goodness, there were times after his diagnosis where I seriously thought he wouldn't be there to see me get confirmed, graduate from high school, see me get married and have children of my own and he did and I'll always be thankful for that.  Thankful that my first love was there for so many important life changing events of mine.

I won't lie and sugarcoat the last 9 1/2 years since he passed.  Our family has never been the same.  His presence is extremely missed and I get pissed on occasion that my children won't have any solid memories of the great man he was.  I show them our wedding video and Grandpa Norbie is dancing like a crazy man with the biggest smile ever on his face, but it's not the same, it will never be the same and I've learned to live with that.

How?  I think of him.  Think of the compassion he had for life.  The compassion he had for his family.  The compassion I so want to emulate on a daily basis.  I am not lying when I say that there isn't one single day that goes by where I don't think of him and how important he was to so many people that knew him and how well respected he was as a person.  His funeral was a huge outpouring of support and love that made it obvious to all of us that he had made an impact on many people's lives.

We had prepped a slow cooker with sloppy joes for the entire family to eat during the 5 hour visitation that Friday night and none of us even got a chance to slip away from the receiving line long enough to eat anything.  It was one continuous line of people and loved ones from 3-8 pm.  Many with so many stories to retell about times they had spent with him. Stories I still tell to this day to my children so they know the importance of being kind, and being positive just like he was.    I know he isn't here with me now but I guarantee you he is watching over me.  And it is for that simple reason that I want to be a better person, be the kind of person he had been to so many people in his life.  Call me a copy cat I suppose, but I don't mind.  If I turn out to be half the person he was I'll be thrilled.

With that note I am heading to bed and looking forward to a bright, sunshiny day tomorrow.  A struggle to pull my teenage daughter from her bed for her last day of school.  To be greeted in the morning by my 9 year old son whose breath will smell horrible and who I will darn near have to pay cash to brush his teeth and a CRAZY toddler destroying the house and pestering our poor dog Lucy all before heading out the door at 7:15 am.  Sweet dreams everybody and I'll be in touch and I promise more pictures on future posts (I'm new to this).